Isabela - Day 7

DWS
Jun 23, 2020
5 min read

The air was warm, humid, heavy. The room seemed to be charged with invisible particles of dust and ashes, making it difficult to breathe, making it difficult to live. The heat seemed to invade your system and block your pores as to impede any form of respiration. It seemed to kill you alive. It was a crushing heat, one that will slow every one of your movement and steady your thoughts. It was too hot to think, too heavy to breathe, too humid to move. The only thought I was allowed to have was the constant need of water accompanied by the oppressing feeling of discomfort.

Freedom, Peace, and Prosperity. The Party has it all, the Party will give it all.

I opened a rusty handle and sighed as I heard the water rise laboriously through the pipes before cascading into the sink. I downed my head in my cup-shaped hands, filled with cool water. I closed my eyes as I felt it drip along my sweaty cheeks and felt it unlock my pores. I rested my hand on the edge of the sink and raised my eyes to the mirror. My pupils contracted as a figure project into the clean surface for the daily checkup. I heard a robotic voice play as the screen turned on, ringing the shortened version of the national anthem into my tired ears. I kept both eyes on the mirror as it played, knowing that I was observed. A slight flinch, a single look could sign my death. My muscles only relaxed once the last note was left singing in the air and the computer began the daily procedure.

“Year”

“3031”, I replied without removing my eyes from the mirror.

“Age”

“Seventeen”

“Place of living”

“Tower P, Block 98”

“Name and series number”

“Maat, 3628”

“Activate heath bracelet”

I ran my hand down my arm and turned on the bracelet. An electric shot ran through my body as data appeared on the projection. I closed my grip on the sink, my jaw locked in pain.

“Ready for analysis. Opening file 625 K-94”

I closed my eyes as the machine downloaded the documents.

“We will now proceed to a psychological test. You are asked to keep both eyes on the mirror at all times”

A syringe appeared on the sink as the computer finished downloading my files. I injected the liquid in my veins, my teeth grinding against each other as the needle tore a hole. Once the substance was left to run in my blood, I sank my eyes into the mirror.

“You will speak the truth and the truth alone”

The surface reflected my deep brown eyes progressively covered by the projection. The microphone deactivated as words appeared on the screen.

“Who are you?”

“3628. Citizen of Raj”

“Who are you?”

“Maat, 3628”

“Who are you?”

I remained silent, eyes on the screen.

“Who are you?”, repeated the computer.

“I don’t know,” I replied, calmly. “I only know that I am alive”

“What are you feeling?”

“Fear”

“Why?”

“I fear the unknown.”

“There is nothing to be afraid of. The Party is your friend, the Party protects you. It gives you food, clothes, a roof. The Party takes care of you. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

I stared at the screen, I could feel my heart beat loudly in my chest.

“You will never be satisfied, will you?”

“I don’t understand”, I answered in confusion under the blue light of the computer screen.

“It will never be enough”

“I can always do better. My life has no goal, no direction… no importance”

“What do you fight for?”

“For the Party. For the Democratic Republic of Raj”

“What do you fight for?”

“For a prosperous future. For a better life. I fight for freedom, peace and prosperity.”

“What do you fight for?”

“For a better life. I fight for our country, for the common good. I fight to cease deceit, perhaps only to give a meaning to my existence”

“What do you fight for?”

“I’m afraid to live, I’m afraid to die”

“What do you fight for?”

“For myself”

“Who are you?”

“I don’t know. I am nothing. I don’t belong to this reality. I don’t belong to this world. I am alone, so utterly alone. This world is not mine, I am alien to you, I am alien to myself.”

“I suppose this means you are fine”

“I’m not fine…”, I whispered silently, lowering my gaze.

“Keep your eyes on the mirror”

I raised my gaze, where the same words seemed to stare at me, “I suppose this means you are fine”

“What does it mean to be fine?” The computer screen did not flinch. “I’m not fine,” I replied in confusion.